Like a badly edited plot jump in a made-for-television movie, I return!
I can't put my finger on what's going wrong with chapter 3. Perhaps the characters are moving too fast.
On the bright side, I started writing again! On the flip side, the first thing I wrote was the murder of my favourite character thus far. I watched as the body was hidden in the ship, but I didn't see how they died. It ruined my mood, I'll tell you that much for free.
Talking about free information I figure it's probably about time I posted some trivia about myself. Consider the following embarrassing information an apology for losing myself in a thought. That's the trouble. I'm useless with street names, so it takes me a little while to get back to reality.
- I greet every magpie I see. Not because I'm superstitious, but because it's polite. I also greet sparrows, blackbirds, robins, wrens and other species of crow. Not geese though. They greet me. LOUDLY. On the topic of birds, at the front of my house there is a sparrow which sometimes perches on the bay windowsill and watches television for a few minutes. I call it peeper. At the rear of house a house marten sometimes hovers in front of the patio doors and looks in our fridge when we open it. Sometimes I take out a block of cheese and wave it in front the closed window.
- I moved into this house in November last year, and I'm still living out of boxes. I have more stuff than furniture. As a result my personal space is an absolute mess.
- Last month I talked to myself with a Liverpudlian accent. Still not sure why.
- I'm a fire marshal at my lab, and my colleagues accidentally start fires on an almost daily basis. Usually when all the marshals are so far away that by the time we reach the incident, it's been dealt with. I think I taught the little pyromaniacs well.
- Upon purchasing a bottle of spirit, I drink half the bottle within the week, and then forget about it for a month or two. As a result my 'collection' always looks bigger than it actually is.
- I can build my own computer (if I had the money), but still refuse to buy a digital camera. I have three 35mm cameras- 2 SLRs, one from the 80's and one modern, and my pride and joy, a Yashica Electro 35 GT rangefinder with lens kit (these stopped being made in 1984, but my dad tells me he bought it before he was 30, so it's a mid-70's camera). I used to fiddle with it when I was a kid. My father gave it to me shortly before I went to university. It's still the most beautiful machine I've ever laid eyes on.
- My beard currently extends my face by several inches, and refuses to be neat. The resulting look would make an 1850's gold prospector proud. People stare when I try to drink a cappuccino, because most of it ends up in my moustache. I gauge drinks by how many napkins I'm going to need to drain my facial hair.
- I actually like some Uwe Boll films as low-quality cheese, but am still too ashamed to actually buy one.
- I tried ordering my DVD collection in alphabetical order of the hexadecimal code of the colour of the sleeve. After several hours working it out, I crammed them all in boxes, and I still can't work out where everything is.
- I'm concerned that some of my characters represent certain individual aspects of my own personality. As a result, I struggle to make them appear normal, because I myself do not have 'middle ground' emotions aside from abject apathy. I've been trying to instill a sense of ambivalence in each one.
- I've considered giving up talking altogether. I often see myself as an educator, but my advice is usually met with disdain and mocking. From my friends.
- I once bought an item from a store because I didn't know what it was. I took it apart and to this day I am none the wiser. The copper wire came in handy though.
- I occasionally buy dragon fruit because they look wonderful, despite finding their flavour to be lacking... in anything.
- My party trick is picking apart smells until I can work out the ingredients. I do it with stews. It's also how I find the herbs and spices aisle of an unfamiliar supermarket. It's considerably more difficult since I developed hay fever.
- It takes me five hours to wind down before I can sleep. Which means I have to start the moment I leave work.
- Alcohol has the exact opposite effect on me to which I expected. When I am tipsy, I am considerably more alert than after taking caffeine. Of course, the coordination still suffers somewhat.
- I wander around in the winter without a coat. My favourite response to the hoards of thin people who ask 'aren't you cold?' is 'No, I'm fat.'
- If I'm not paying attention when walking in my town and get lost, I work out where I am by the most prevalent species of crow. I actually scolded a pair of jackdaws for ruining my system and nesting in magpie territory.
- I understand when people reassure me that everybody talks to themselves. What they don't understand is that I debate with myself. And on more than one occasion had a blazing row with myself.
- It's 23:12, 23°C in here, and I've just realised why I'm so warm... I haven't taken my raincoat off yet.
- I can believe it's not butter. Really.
- I'm addicted to a dried produce store called Julian Graves. I struggle to walk past them. They make the best bombay mix.
- Last time I shaved, I used up a full battery on my clippers, and blunted an entire pack of razors. Shaving is expensive when your facial hair is made of spring steel.
- I tried making my own moustache wax, partially because I want to curl it into handlebars, partly because I'm fed up of eating my facial hair. It turned out to be more wax than I had hoped. Trial and error will eventually ensue.
- And finally- I laugh like a hyena. Which is odd, because my voice is quite low. I was particularly embarassed by this whilst at school and started laughing silently. People wondered if I was epileptic.
"Nowhere near the editing stage" he said. Just at the 'starting again from scratch' stage. Taken down for a rewrite. 9th July 2013
And a bonus chapter! Chapter 5 still needs a little tweaking, but it generally fits.
Everthing I post is pre-edit. I don't believe I'm anywhere near the editing stage yet.
Anywho, I must be away. G'night.
AKA Mr Magpie
AKA The Bird Man of Ivybridge
AKA Big Mike